The magic phrases that will save your relationship in a fight

e9f1332726ed548abd6ca6893316949cIn every couples’ fight there has to be some rules. Fights are good but the fights that ruin your relationship – not so much. So, how do you make sure that you let it all out without throwing your relationship out the window. And, what are the magic phrases to save your relationship when you do:

1. Take responsibility for your contribution to the argument, in the relationship and for your feelings

If someone tells you to keep a clean fight where instead of showing your emotions you just name them and you start every other sentence with: “When you do this, that makes me feel” – don’t listen to them. Of course, you shouldn’t get carried away in your fights too. But the point is – showing your emotions is good. It shows that you care. But show them responsively. Use phrases like: “I can see my part in this”,  “I could be wrong”, “I see how I contributed to the problem”.

2. Don’t bring up the past or past quarrels

If you argue about one thing – argue about that thing only and not about anything else, related or unrelated. In other words – fight with each other but don’t fight dirty. Use words like: “Please try to understand my point of view”, “We’re getting off the subject” and “Please keep talking to me” to cut off the start of a new argument before the old one is finished.

3. Admit when you are wrong

Marriages fall apart because none of the spouses admits that they are wrong or they do that but it’s too late. While you are still in the fight make use to use words like: “Wait, can I take that back?”, “I overreacted”, “I realize it’s not your fault” and “That came out all wrong”.

4. Set the expectations right from the beginning

It’s important to communicate not what the circumstances of the story about what you are mad about are. It’s important to communicate what is the real reason to be mad like: “I’m feeling unappreciated.” Another thing to do is make sure that you are clear on what you expect to happen: “You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you”, “This is important to me. Please listen.”

5. Don’t leave a fight without a resolution

Fighting is not the problem. The problem is when the fight is over but the partners are not left with the feeling that it’s over. As a result for days even months after that this fight continues in their head – getting bigger and scarier. You’ll need to prevent that. Use words like: “How can I make things better?”, “What are we really fighting about?”, “I hadn’t thought of it that way before”, “Let’s agree to disagree on that”, and “You’ve convinced me”.

And always remember to use the two magic sentences: “I’m sorry” and “I love you” because in relationship there’s no “your problem” but: “our problem”.

For a step-by-step approach to making these changes happen. Your first step is to go to

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  1. Linwood Kennemur says:

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