Relationship Issues: People Are Mirror Images of Ourselves

Recently I nearly made the mistake of my life! I nearly lost the person that is nearest and dearest to me. How did I do this? I had pushed him so far he was prepared to end the relationship.

All People Are Mirror Images Of Ourselves

We can’t recognise a behaviour in others unless we can first witness it in ourselves. For example, if my partner is yelling at me, and I’m just standing there saying nothing…. What feelings is he experiencing? Anger, frustration, not being heard – so he yells, hoping that by yelling I will hear what he has to say. Meanwhile, in my silence, I’m also experiencing, anger, frustration, not being heard.

Sadly, through our actions of not patiently hearing the other out (afterall disagreements are merely two people who have two different perspectives on the same matter, and through careful listening and a willing heart to negotiate to come to a mutually agreeable perspective that works for both of you) we’re both slowly over time building resentment towards each other as communication continues to breakdown over time until it is unrecoverable.

The Ego Has a Need “TO BE RIGHT”.

The ego’s only role is to protect the body from harm, but sadly over many centuries the egos role has become one that protects itself from being made redundant. So it takes a belief that we have of ourselves like, “I’m not good enough” and then subconsciously creates situations with others to prove that WE WERE RIGHT! That in fact we aren’t good enough, that those around us will mistreat us as we’re not good enough to be treated well. How does it do this? Have you ever been in a fight and after the fight you think to yourself, “if only I said XYZ, that would’ve proved I’m right”, and then you beat yourself up for not coming up with that in the first place. That, in effect my friends – is the ego playing out through pride it’s need to be right!

So what happens in the meantime? As we defend our position in a relationship instead of seeking to always appreciate the reasons why we chose to have that person in our lives in the first place – we are pushing the other away, rejecting them. We do this because we carry the belief, “I’m not good enough” and so through the anger and frustration that we carry from the first time and every time since we first came up with that belief we project that anger and frustration onto our loved ones by reacting to what at face value are innocent situations in a negative, aggressive way, and reject them. They, in turn, respond back from their place of “not being good enough” and their anger and frustration to reject us.

So by rejecting them first, we interpret through our filters that they are rejecting us, thereby proving our belief to be true. Eventually over time, this behaviour of our responses degrades our relationships to the stage whereby we, or they, pack their bags and (emotionally or physically) leave the relationship…….thereby proving us right all along, “We’re not good enough to be loved”.  We end up with a feeling of self righteousness but in our wake we leave a trail of broken hearts and further power to our belief, “we’re not good enough” for it to be played out again and again and again as we develop loving relationships moving forward in our lives.

But what is the damage we have caused in the meantime?…we lose love, just so that we can be right!

Rejecting Others Before They Reject Us

So what is the answer? its to look in the mirror and ask ourselves what is it that I am I reacting to? what insecurity am I feeling right now? It could be the fear that your partner could leave you, or that you are jealous of them, or you feel you are losing your control over them. I know it’s difficult to catch this in mid-flight of a disagreement, but that’s why we always have the second chance of saying, “I’m sorry, I responded because I was feeling insecure”. And if you can’t bring yourself to humbly say that to restore the love and faith back into your relationship, then that’s pride and your need to be right playing out once again.

Everyone Has A Good Intention

Everybody has a good intention behind everything they do or say. Even the rapist has the good intention to make themselves feel good as their intention for their actions, not that I condone such actions, but just to illustrate my point. So until we can see that good intention behind others responses to us can we actually forgive them and ourselves for our transgressions, learn the lesson they have come in our lives to teach us through our soul agreements, let go of the pain and hurt by reframing the “story” of victim interpretation to one of higher purpose can we ever expect to stop repeating the pattern of pushing others out of our lives before they push us out.

Comments

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  2. Hi zoophile
    My web host is HostGator. Thanks for your comments – btw, how did you find my blog link?

  3. Hi! I understand this is somewhat off-topic but
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    do write in my diary everyday. I’d like to start a blog so I can easily share my personal experience and feelings online. Please let me know if you have any kind of ideas or tips for new aspiring blog owners. Appreciate it!

    • Hi there

      Thanks for your comment. I set up a website with a blog ability. But you don’t have to do that – all you need to do is google a free blogging / website tool like http://www.weebly.com/

      Just follow the instructions – setup your blog – then promote it on social media. Make sure that you avoid putting anything personal on your blog that you’re not willing to let the world know about – because what goes on the internet – stays on the internet and is a permanent record of you and what you have done – so always write about things that you would happily leave printed out on a piece of paper and nailed to a public newsboard – because that is how the intenet works.

      Leave another comment if you’d like more information.

  4. On voit direct que vous connaissez bien le sujet

  5. Un considérable remerciement aau créateur du
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  6. Vivement un autre article

    • Thanks so much – if you could leave some feedback about what you would like to know more about – I would be only too happy to blog about it in more detail.

      Warmest Regards

      Sue

  7. Incroyable poiste : continuez dans cette voie

    • That is very encouraging – I love blogging about things that people can benefit from – I will continue on this path – thank you for your post!

      Love Sue

  8. Je vais terminer de regarder ça dans la semaine

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  15. Kiwibox.Com says:

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  16. Hummm êtes ѵoսs sûr dе ce que vous nous écrivez ??

    • I try to communicate to everyone in a way that they understand…..thanks for your post!!

      Warmest regards

      Sue

  17. Ϲes articles sont réellement instructifs

  18. Jе finirai de voir ça ce soir

    • “Jе finish to see it tonight”
      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog…….I have learnt the hard way about what relationships are about (I’ve designed an online course which I’ll release soon), so I can share my knoweledge and experience with my readers so they can learn and benefit from my experience and avoid the suffering of where we go wrong with relationships.
      Much Love

      Sue

  19. J’écris ce petit commentaire uniquement
    pour congratuler son auteur

    • “I write this short comment only to congratulate the author”

      I humbly thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I have a LOT more to give and look forward to sharing it with my readers.

      Much Love

      Sue

  20. Tiens je pensais justement écrire un poste identique à celui-ci

    • “Here I was thinking to write a post identical to this one”
      Yes, it a very integal part of our lives.

      Much Love Sue

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    • Thank you so much for your comment about my blog – I guess I write from my heart to help explain complex concepts in easier to understand practical terms……I never write anything that I haven’t tested and proved to work – so I really delighted that my readers get a lot out of what I write about.

      With Love

      Sue

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    • Thank you for your comments, I’m really humbled by them.

      I write as I talk – so I’m glad that you understand what I write about. BTW, I especially want to THANK YOU for hyperlinking to your website and prodiving additional comments to your audience – I LOVE THAT!!

      Hugs – Sue

  23. Ladonna Posada says:

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