How To Reconnect In A Stale Relationship


Most people try and go with the flow in their relationships or play things by the ear. If things are ok, do nothing. No need to spoil a good thing. If there is a problem, you can go and try to fix it. But if there’s no problem – why bother. That is a not such a good approach. And I’ll tell you why. There’s two types of people – there’s those who wait for things to happen and those who make things happen for them. Can you guess which ones are consistently more successful in life? It’s exactly the same with relationships. You’ve got to be proactive about it. Here’s a few things you can do:

1. Find out Your Partner’s Love Language


Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary love language. We tend to speak our primary love language and become confused when our spouse doesn’t understand what we’re communicating. Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, you’ll have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage.

Determining Your Own Love Language

Either take the assessment here, or since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:

❤ How do I express love to others?

❤ What do I complain about the most?

❤ What do I request most often?

Speaking in your spouse’s love language probably won’t be natural for you. Dr. Chapman says, “We’re not talking comfort. We’re talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren’t connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn’t enough.

2. Provide plenty of love deposits into their Love Bank

Learn what is required to communicate in your partner’s love language.  You’ll be very surprised how small acts in your partner’s love language can make huge love deposits in their love bank.  If your partner doesn’t have enough love deposits – then you can’t expect to make any love withdrawals by way of getting the things you desire from the relationship whether that is; a night out with the boys, a new expensive dress……in fact most things that you seek for yourself.  So if you really want to create the magic in a stale relationship – communicate love in the language that your partner understands and watch the sparks fly!

3. Never complain about your partner to others

Often we concentrate so much on our partner’s flaws that they become our only focus within the relationship.  The way they clip their toenails at the kitchen table, or criticise your family, or rarely makes love to you or gives you any romance…..whatever it is ……keep it within your relationship.  No one else is interested in the pet hates that you complain about regarding your partner – as they have their own relationship issues.  In addition, how would you feel if your partner was telling the world about their complaints about your flaws?  No – you wouldn’t like it – so please treat your partner as you want to be treated.

Also – how would you feel if your partner heard all of the complaints you have made secretly behind their backs.  How would you feel if the person you secretly indulged your complaint in revealed everything that you confided in them?  Probably – betrayed.  In that case, how would your partner feel about you?  How would you ever regain their trust again?

4. Remove the anchors of negativity

You know how a whiff of perfume can send you back to your Grandma’s house when you were 5 years old?  Well, this is called anchoring.  Whenever we have a highly charged emotional experience we often anchor a smell/touch/taste/sound/sight to that situation.  This also occurs when we have repeated experiences that have the same emotional charge.  So can you imagine the number of arguments you have had with the sound of your partner’s voice and the sight of their face continually being associated with the negative feelings of being unheard, yelled at and the associated sadness, anger, and resentment. So what happens is that whenever you hear your partner’s voice or see their face, you unexplainably feel sad, angry and resentful.  This is because you have negative anchors to your partner.  So how do you remove these anchors?

5. Be grateful of the small things and watch them grow

Change your focus away from their flaws and towards even the smallest things you can be grateful to them for.  Maybe they are a good provider, or housekeeper, or mother, or father, or even that they are hygienic and shower everyday, or that the are good at something like cooking, driving or excel at sport.  No matter how small a thing you can feel genuine appreciation towards them for – use it to tap into the gratitude you feel for them.  Then you’ll suddenly see more things about them to be grateful for and so forth. Soon you find that whenever you see or hear them, you feel genuine affection towards them.

This is an excellent state to be in – why? because then you subconsciously respond more lovingly towards them, that will make them feel more loved by you, then they will start to notice things about you to be grateful for – and voila….within a few short weeks, you’ll be wanting to make love to them (not matter how repulsed you feel about the idea right now) Try it – before you judge it – as you’ll be pleasantly surprised!!!

For a step-by-step approach to making these changes happen. Your first step is to go to

leave a comment





  1. Lindsay Wojnicki says:

    You made some nice points there. I looked on the internet for the subject matter and found most guys will approve with your blog.

Speak Your Mind



Forgot Password?

Join Us

Password Reset
Please enter your e-mail address. You will receive a new password via e-mail.