How conflicts lead to long happy relationships

couples that are meant to beKnowing what is the real meaning of your fights with your loved one is the key to a loving, lasting, happy relationship. Here’s what fights are really about:

1. Blow off the steam


If anyone tells you that partners don’t need a good fight with each other to feel better – they are not true to themselves. We feel for the love of our life not only unconditional, passionate, sweet love but also – anger, hurt, disappointment,  irritation, embarrassment, disapproval. And just like the positive emotions – these emotions need to be expressed rather than bottled up. And sometimes – we don’t even know what are the emotions that we have. Yet – it’s better to show those emotions and react.

2. Expressing what’s not working in the relationship

What partners do is – they view arguments and fights as a court of law where both parties bring their arguments and at the end of the fight – one of them wins and the other loses. Instead – look at what is the problem that is being shared. Then – bring your arguments as to what’s the problem, how is it showing up and then – instead of trying to show how you are right and your partner is wrong – look at this problem as a growth opportunity. What is the opportunity in this argument?

3. Establish a stronger emotional link to your partner

Through fights the relationships mature, and the partners in the relationship too. Both through the loving gestures and through the fights the partners learn new things about each other. The mature thing to do is realize that your partner is not perfect and has flaws. Your partner is not going to always be that perfect human being you fell in love at the beginning. Communicating both the good and the bad in a relationship – makes the two of you connected on a very deep level.

4. The things that make you incompatible are what makes up a good marriage

The biggest false belief that the Hollywood movies try to teach us is that you must be as similar to your partner as possible – you must have similar tastes, like similar things, have done similar things in life. Let me tell you – when you find that person, even if you start a relationship with them – unless there are things that make you very different – the relationship will die from lack of passion and lack of differences. The things you see as “being incompatible” are actually the things that will keep each other’s individuality. And over time – keeping your individuality while being in a relationship is the key to a long happy marriage.

5. Sometimes a fight is not a fight with you

When you have a  partner right in front of you who is screaming, crying, storming out, refusing to express their feelings … throwing things at you … Can you associate this as the behavior of a 5 years old child who wants to get things their way, or doesn’t know a better way to express their hurt feelings yet. Sometimes a fight with you is not a fight with you. It’s an automatic response to similar circumstances in the past. And your partner may be completely unaware that they do not react to you but to that other thing. What you should do is – keep a photo of your partner as a baby: in your wallet, at all times. When you see that such a fight surfaces – bring that picture into your mind’s eye and respond with the utmost love and care to the fight. Trust me it works like a charm.

For a step-by-step approach to making these changes happen. Your first step is to go to

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  1. Taisha Spar says:

    Great website! I am loving it!! Will be back later to read some more. I am taking your feeds also.

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